It Was The Best Of Times...

X thulu 3 months ago in Unbelievable

The beginning.

In the beginning, there was a brand new 486-SX/25. You know what that is. Original IBM PS/2. My first PC. This was the source of my power. Or the source of my training I guess.

Shortly after I got it, I noticed that it had a modem. Fuck if I knew what the modem did, but hell, it went into a phone line. Plugged it in, caught wind of AOL because of the 40,000 floppies they used to send out a month to everyone and their mother, and signed up (with parents permission of course. HA). A few hours on AOL and I realized it was a big piece of shit. At least some things never change. By this time, I knew about the internet, and searched for ISPs in the greater Phoenix area. I found one called PrimeNet. So, I signed up for an account, kicked my AOL account to the curb. And set out to learn as much as I could about DOS, Telix, and most importantly, my new UNIX shell account. Shortly thereafter, I found they had an IRC client installed. Knowing nothing except what "man irc" told me, I fired it up. Getting kicked onto Primenets EfNet server. Firing up lynx, I read about IRC commands. Hey, I can list channels. Hey, theres a channel called #teens. Hey, I'm almost a teen, fuck it.

At first, people were dicks. Of course they were. This was when the internet was just entering suburban homes for kids to use and the era of dickery began. Kids were figuring out that online (and particularly on IRC) they could be whoever they wanted.

Whatever. I held my own, and since my sarcasm was wildly developed by this point, I made a few people laugh. Most of all, a few female ops. I charmed my way in, spouting romantics like I was Shakespeare, and one day I found myself with ops. So, I decided this wasn't too bad. Being able to be whoever I wanted, and maybe get a few girls to boot.

Here's the key. Online, you could be whoever you wanted. You see, this allowed me to be whoever I wanted, with unlimited tries to see what worked and what didn't on particular women. So, being a bit of a science geek, I made a control group. Actually, several. Spread across multiple IRC channels. And I ran experiments. What girls responded to dickery, what ones responded to kindness, romanticism, poetry, etc. It was a never ending science experiment. But it continued for a while. While I was doing this, once I found patterns in favorable responses (namely for romanticism), I started trying that out in real life settings. Note: I was in Junior Highschool at this time. 7th Grade. Yep, I was ahead of my time in the conniving asshole category.

I figured that everyone was lost in Jr. High, so who the hell cared if I earned a reputation as anything. And so it began. Armed with my newfound knowledge of how to get inside a girls head, I was off.

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